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If you are one of the innumerable people who I know have been most impatiently awaiting an update on the progress of my avocado pit then fear not, salvation from what must be the absolute agony of your anticipation can be found abundantly throughout this public service announcement..
As you can see my prize specimen now has not only a ‘well established root system’ but also a pretty impressive stem and some beautiful little leaves!! Before you know it, dear riveted readers, these green fingers will be planting him in his very own soil filled terracotta home! Do please attempt to contain your excitement..
In other news you will be overjoyed to learn that I am also in the process of rearing not one, not two, not three but four others so whichever unlucky humans find themselves in the unfortunate predicament of having to live under the same roof as me in twenty years or so can perhaps salvage some consolation from the fact that they will, with any luck, have an ample supply of nutritious vitamin packed alligator pears!
Actually I have no idea which unlucky humans will be living under the same roof as me in the more speedily approaching future and would rather kiss someone from my ultimate nemesis kill/fuck/marry list (Bill Oddie, Bruce Forsyth, Tony Robinson) than have to dwell in insufferable halls of residence ever again so any bright ideas/spare-cupboard-under-the-stairs propositions would be very much appreciated?!?!?!?!
Perhaps I have done myself a disservice whilst advertising as a potential flatmate, I am one of those rare creatures that actually enjoys doing the washing up and my patented method of attaching cloths to my feet to clean floors puts any mere mop to shame as well as, I think everyone who has witnessed it will agree, definitely being a hygenic asset to any household.
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